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Monthly Archives: February 2013

A little Bit Weird

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I had planned to have another poem ready for you guys today but recent happenings in my life have left me unable to concentrate. So I thought I’d share my worries and get it off my chest. Until now, I’ve only told a few selected friends and work colleagues plus my manager. Someone reading this might actually be going through the same thing. It’s a little bit weird but bear with me.

I’m not entirely sure but I guess it may have started around 6 months ago. I would wake up during the night having dreamt that I had swallowed something I shouldn’t have like a pill or coin. I’d then (semi-awake) proceed to cough up (while on my hands and knees in bed) what I’d dreamt I’d swallowed until I realised that I was dreaming. I usually lay back down and go straight off to sleep again. It happens maybe once every two to three weeks. I don’t know how it all started but last week it took to a whole new level.

I dreamt that I was going to be sick but I woke myself up by making a loud gurgling sound, then realised I couldn’t breath. It felt like I was suffocating. I panicked and thrashed around until I caught my breath again. I was sure that there was some sort of fluid at the back of my nose and throat blocking my airway. The whole experience has left me a little shocked and frightened. I’m just glad I woke up when I did.

The next night I was too scared to go to sleep but since then it hasn’t happened and my sleep pattern is slowly returning to normal. I have a doctor’s appointment booked for next week (yes my doctors are rubbish) so I’m hoping to get a diagnosis but thanks to google I think I know what it could be. Acid Reflux…. yep! never had it in my life but it sounds like the culprit. This is where the acidified liquid content of the stomach backs up into the esophagus which during the night can’t be controlled by the body as much because you swallow less and are laying down. I won’t go into any more detail… don’t want to put you off your meals 😛

But then again I could be completely wrong as with most of my self diagnosis’. There were the times when I thought I had protein deficiency and then there was the over-active thyroid which were both completely wrong. At the moment I also think I have the adult form of ADHD but that’s something I haven’t been tested for YET. But we’ll wait and see. I may also be a hypochondriac.

The Struggle

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Consuelo Parra digital art

Feeling isolated, and frustrated
by the distant glimmer of hope,
she grows tired of the constant struggle
to return to how she used to be
slowly losing the sanity she once had
with no way of getting out

craving freedom from the thoughts
that kept her captive
for what seemed like eternity
longing for someone to save her from herself
though fearful of rejection
but eager to gain control once more.

Digital art by Consuelo Parra entitled ‘Love me Again’. Check out her work HERE.

Egg-citing Art

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Sorry for the poor title but I couldn’t resist. I didn’t venture out at all yesterday so I knew I had to make the most of my Sunday before I drag myself back to work tomorrow. I heard that the big eggs were back in London this year for the run up to Easter so I headed off to Covent Garden to have a look. There were so many great designs from different artists all laid out for ‘The Big Egg Hunt’.

Personally my favourite is Humpty Dumpty 🙂 believe it or not, there were so many more eggs than there is photo’s of them. I chose the ones that interested me the most to display on here, if I had taken a photo of each of them it would have taken a hell of a long time to upload 😛

Big Egg

Big EggCovent GardenBig EggBig EggPeopleDollar SignsPineapple BeatlesBig EggBig EggBigg EggBig EggHumpty Dumpty
Big EggBig EggSkeleton hugging eggClownCovent GardenBig Egg

Egg houseSwansAdventure TimeThomas the Tank EngineButterfliesHumpty Dumpty close upPeter RabbitBig EggBig EggRabbit and OwlSponge Bob

There’s no Rush!

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I’ve decided to take a break from the poetry this week and rest my brain. That’s why I’ve been quiet. But I have also been suffering from a terrible case of mental block and the more I worry about it the worse it gets. I’m so busy during the day I tend to find it difficult to shut off and concentrate so I may work on poetry on the weekends that I have free. There’s no rush, after all I don’t want to produce rubbish. So I have only one thing left to say to you on this cold evening:

Bridget Jones's Diary

Getting to Know Prose

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After staring at a blank piece of paper for hours on end I finally produced ‘Defeated’. It didn’t come easy as I’m still trying to adapt to the style of prose but I was so much happier with the finished product in comparison to ‘Don’t Judge Me’. I think it flows with ease and captures the imagination leaving people to think about what happened to make her feel the way she feels. I have recently found inspiration in the poetry blogs of others who have made me understand prose a little better.

One of my first prose attempts  entitled ‘Garden of Decay’ now features in the February 2013 issue of the online magazine ‘Full of Crow’ which you can view HERE. Looking back on it, I don’t think I did it enough justice but it was a big confidence boost to have it accepted. It has led me to believe in myself a little more and have some faith in my creations.

I have been meaning to edit my ‘ABOUT’ page for quite a while now so that’s what I’m going to do by the end of today. I first wrote this page when I started my blog over a year ago, so it’s looking a little dated and not very insightful. Apart from that I shall be reading more poetry blogs and thinking about my next poem.

Defeated

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Consuelo Parra art

Haunted by the past
she tried to run from,
emotionally drained
and feeling defeated,
she fell to her knees
in mercy

Her head in her hands
she tries to catch her breath
in-between sobs
that make her body quake
uncontrollably

she searches for the strength
to get her through
the overwhelming sense of guilt,
left by the lies and deceit
and thinking about the day
she can learn to forgive herself.

Untitled  digital art by Consuelo Parra. Check out her work HERE.

Don’t Judge Me

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Consuelo Parra art

Don’t judge me
as I do not judge
to see is not to know,
though don’t despair

I care not for
your shallow thoughts
and naive comments,
I don’t need your pity
for I show no emotion
and shed no tears

I find comfort in silence
and loneliness is a friend,
for solitude is my savour
in the dim light of day

a stranger to myself
I sit here
in this cruel, cold world
accepting what it brings.

I’d be lying if I said I was completely happy with this piece. I found myself well out of my comfort zone attempting prose for the first time. I’m far more familiar with rhyming poetry but I’m desperate to try it. I want to be able to experiment with styles of poetry. I’d appreciate any feedback no matter how critical.

The artwork above is that of Consuelo Parra entitled ‘Secrets of Forest’. Check out her facebook page